He Slams Her Looks and Size In Trainwreck Movie Review; Amy Schumer Responds, Includes Picture

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In a recent “review” of director Judd Apatow’s upcoming Trainwreck (July 2015), starring and written by Amy Schumer of Comedy Central’s Emmy-nominated Inside Amy Schumer, Hollywood Elsewhere blogger Jeffrey Wells describes the movie’s lead as “chubby,” with Lou Costello-esque “wide facial features,” and likens her to “Jennifer Aniston’s somewhat heavier, not-as-lucky sister who watches a lot of TV.” In the end, all he winds up doing is making an excellent case that he is the real train wreck in his own story.

jeffrey wellsWells (pictured right) starts off by blaming Apatow for “once again introducing a chubby, whipsmart, not conventionally attractive, neurotically bothered female comic to a mass audience – first Melissa McCarthy in Bridesmaids (’11), then Lena Dunham in HBO’s Girls (’12) and now Amy Schumer…” He then throws this backhanded compliment to the latter of these three very talented and accomplished women, “She’s obviously sharp and clever and funny as far as the woe-is-me, self-deprecating thing goes, but there’s no way she’d be an object of heated romantic interest in the real world.”

But his spewing of useless verbal vomit didn’t stop there. He writes a follow up piece – his “Schlumpies and Dumpies” thesis – in which he 1) lays out HIS assessment of “what’s hot” and “what’s not” when it comes to women, 2) knocks Apatow for “backing women who mostly have it inside rather than outside…,” and 3) shares his vile, beef industry-like grading system for women, which is based on the “standards” by which he was “raised” and has “been responding to all through the ’70s, ’80s, ’90s and the aughts.”

“By today’s standards any homely or marginal or bearded, overfed, gross-looking guy or girl can hook up with good-looking types and nobody bats an eyelash.”

He writes…

“Standards of hotness change over time. We’re now living in an age, partly if not largely perpetrated by the films and scenarios of producer-director Judd Apatow, in which Schlumpies and Dumpies have been sold to the public as the kind of people you want to go out with, go home with, get married to, etc.”

He goes on…

“I grew up in a world in which conventionally attractive or semi-attractive people used to be the ones who got laid the most often. Trust me — I used to do quite well at the Westport Players Tavern in the mid to late ’70s, and I had a good sense of what worked and what didn’t. And if a girl who looked like Trainwreck‘s Amy Schumer was to stroll into that scene, she would have had a nice time but she would not be ardently pursued by the flannel-shirt-wearing wolves, of which I was definitely one. By the standards of that time she just isn’t top-of-the-line…sorry.”

Enter backhanded compliment #2…

“Schumer is brilliant, talented and somewhat funny but she’s not grade-A or even B-plus material, certainly by my standards as well as those of any moderately attractive, fair-minded youngish heterosexual dude who’s feeling hormonal or what-have-you.”

And then, his attempt at an apology after folks in the Twitter-sphere, whom he refers to as “a snarling, foaming-at-the-mouth pack of Twitter dogs,” tore his hotness tome to shreds:

“I certainly didn’t say Schumer was ugly (a word that I never, ever use) or fat in the least. I used the word ‘chubby’ but I should have more specifically observed that while she’s fairly slim she does has a wide, chubby-ish face.”

Oooooooooh yeah Jeff… we TOTALLY get what you meant now (massive eye roll).

But amongst all of the reactionary Twitter chatter Mr. Wells provoked, the best Tweet came from Amy Schumer herself…

And that’s all that really needs to be said. Brava Amy!

Check out her and her awesomeness in the official trailer for Trainwreck:

h/t Yahoo Style

  • greenman_11

    She’s totally hilarious, very smart and gives me a serious hard on, what more could you ask for?

    • That’s the thing, it’s not that the review was objectively wrong or right, IT’S ABOUT HAVING TO “APPROVE” OF WOMEN. You are not defending her here, you are giving your thumbs up, which she didn’t ask for.

      • greenman_11

        Amy essentially said, “Here I am, take me or leave, I don’t care which.” I’m just saying I’d push to the front of the line to take her. I dont have any right to “approve” of her, I just totally dig her. What’s wrong with saying that?

        • That looks shouldn’t have such a focus when it comes to women. That we don’t objectify men nearly as much. That us men do feel an undeniably superiority, that comes out in these sort of instances of “I thumbs up her”.

  • greenman_11

    Perhaps the hardon statement was a bit much, but truth be told, if you listen to Amy’s stand-up routine, it’s downright mild. I maintain I wasn’t “thumbs up”ing Amy. If I only mentioned her beauty, that would be, but it was the third of three items. She is totally hilarious, and what better compliment to offer a comedienne? She’s very smart, so you see, I’m putting her brain power as a higher attribute than her appearance. Now, do you think Amy would mind me suggesting that Jeffery Wells is either gay, dead or a total smoothbrain in thinking she’s anything other than seriously hot? I don’t think she would! She is seriously hot in my book, and her wit and intelligence is integral to that hotness. I hope she reads this, calls me and takes me home instead of some staggering Neanderthal when it’s last call at the bar (a reference to her stand-up material). After all, I have no diseases Amy needs to be informed of, am willing to take a polygraph, flea dip or both to pass muster and am such a good guy that I come equipped with detangler and one of those cat grooming combs so I can assist in getting the semen out of her hair when we’re done (another reference to her act). I’d even go out and get kosher bacon for our breakfast the next morning. So call me, Amy, all three of my thumbs, way up!

  • Thomas Watson

    Like most comedians, Amy Schumer can’t really act.